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by Kaffirdog on 05 December 2009 - 19:12
Anybody in the mood to tell funny fireside tales, mishaps, jokes - anything to make us laugh.
Margaret N-J
Margaret N-J
by Keith Grossman on 05 December 2009 - 19:12
Well, there was this family of carrots that decided the field across the road looked a lot more fertile so they uprooted and were making the trek when little baby carrot got hit by a truck. They rushed him to the hospital where the doctors worked fervently for hours trying to save his life. Finally, a worn-out looking surgeon emerged from the operating room and told the carrot family that he had good news and that he had bad news. "It looks like little baby carrot is going to live," he said, allowing the family to breathe a sigh of relief, "but he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
by Keith Grossman on 05 December 2009 - 20:12
If Mama Cass had just given that ham sandwich to Karen Carpenter, they'd both be alive today.
by Kaffirdog on 05 December 2009 - 20:12
Great!!!!!!!!!!!!. Keep 'em coming please
Margaret N-J
Margaret N-J
by beetree on 05 December 2009 - 21:12
Sitasmom, this one is for you, LOL
4Worms Church
For those of you who missed church on Sunday, here is a recap!
Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol- Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup -
4
For those of you who missed church on Sunday, here is a recap!
Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol- Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup -
by MaggieMae on 05 December 2009 - 22:12
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by MaggieMae on 05 December 2009 - 22:12
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by Red Sable on 05 December 2009 - 22:12
HA! Maggie, that is great!!
by patamoke01 on 05 December 2009 - 22:12
Actual Australian Court Docket 12659 --- Case Of The Pregnant Lady
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied,
'Well your Honour, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'......
I just lost it.'!!!
'Case dismissed!!'
by vomHunterhaus on 05 December 2009 - 22:12
A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a
taxi at the airport. It was after midnight.
While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a
witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he
intended to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the
bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back
and there was his wife in bed with another man.
The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I
lied when I told you I inherited money.
He paid for the Hummer I bought for you.
He paid for our new cabin cruiser.
He paid for your New York Giant's season tickets.
He paid for our house at the lake.
He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly
dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the
gun.
He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"
The cabby replied; "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he
catches a cold."
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