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by RONNIERUNCO on 07 December 2009 - 19:12
WHY DOES THIS GIRL MAKE THE SAME STUPID FACE IN EVERY PIC? DINKIE LIKES HER. I MIGHT BE ABLE TO BULK THE GIRL UP WITH SOME KFC 5 OR 6X A DAY.
http://www.break.com/index/chick-makes-same-dumb-face-in-every-picture.html
http://www.break.com/index/chick-makes-same-dumb-face-in-every-picture.html
by VomMarischal on 07 December 2009 - 20:12
Not so long ago and far away Santa was getting ready for his annual trip.... but there were problems everywhere... four of the elves got sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was feeling the pressure of being behind schedule.. then Mrs Claus told Santa that her mum was coming to visit...
This stressed Santa even more... when he went to harnesss the reindeer three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where.... more stress...and then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards on the sleigh cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered all the toys... so, frustrated Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey... but he found the elves had hit the liquor cupboard and there was nothing there to drink... and in his frustation he dropped the coffee pot which broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor... he went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door.... he opened the door and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. And the angel said: Santa, where would you like to put this Chrismas tree???
And that is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
This stressed Santa even more... when he went to harnesss the reindeer three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where.... more stress...and then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards on the sleigh cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered all the toys... so, frustrated Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey... but he found the elves had hit the liquor cupboard and there was nothing there to drink... and in his frustation he dropped the coffee pot which broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor... he went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door.... he opened the door and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. And the angel said: Santa, where would you like to put this Chrismas tree???
And that is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
by Red Sable on 07 December 2009 - 20:12
Ha ha ha, that was funny VomM. 
Which... reminds me of one of my favourite Christmas songs, sing along if you like!
I'd like to find the guy
Who done me wrong
And stuck my butt up
On this Christmas tree.
Who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?
Who was that man?
He shoved it up my can
And left me stranded on this
Christmas tree. (Yeah ...)
When this angel heard
Chop-ba-ba-bop, di-chop-ba-ba-bop,
A dreadful fear went right into my heart.
Those pine tree needles sting me,
Ram-a-jam-a-ram-a-jammin'
in my ding dong.
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/ace ]
You'll never know how much
that smarts. (Hooah ...)
So who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?
Who took that bush
And crammed it in my tush?
He made this angel beg for
mercy, please. (Yow ...)
Each night when I'm alone,
Scratchity scratchity
scratchity scratchity
Scratchity scratchity shoop ...
It sets my tiny bottom all aglow.
And every time I wiggle,
Slipty-din-de-din, slipty-din-de-din,
A little further in it
goes. (Ohhh/Yeah ...)
(Rump-ba-bump-ba-bump
Ram-a-lam-a ding dong
Slipty-din-de-din
Poopity poopity shoop ...)
Which... reminds me of one of my favourite Christmas songs, sing along if you like!
I'd like to find the guy
Who done me wrong
And stuck my butt up
On this Christmas tree.
Who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?
Who was that man?
He shoved it up my can
And left me stranded on this
Christmas tree. (Yeah ...)
When this angel heard
Chop-ba-ba-bop, di-chop-ba-ba-bop,
A dreadful fear went right into my heart.
Those pine tree needles sting me,
Ram-a-jam-a-ram-a-jammin'
in my ding dong.
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/ace ]
You'll never know how much
that smarts. (Hooah ...)
So who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?
Who took that bush
And crammed it in my tush?
He made this angel beg for
mercy, please. (Yow ...)
Each night when I'm alone,
Scratchity scratchity
scratchity scratchity
Scratchity scratchity shoop ...
It sets my tiny bottom all aglow.
And every time I wiggle,
Slipty-din-de-din, slipty-din-de-din,
A little further in it
goes. (Ohhh/Yeah ...)
(Rump-ba-bump-ba-bump
Ram-a-lam-a ding dong
Slipty-din-de-din
Poopity poopity shoop ...)
by MaggieMae on 08 December 2009 - 00:12
If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one..... An incredible story of luck and inspiration!
Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.
Talk about LUCK!
Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.
Talk about LUCK!
by Red Sable on 08 December 2009 - 00:12
Too funny!!!!!!
by MaggieMae on 08 December 2009 - 01:12
The Next Pandemic
I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol.
I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc.
From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu.
This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not an isolated case.
Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed with Wine Flu. To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.
However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately rent a DVD and take some Advil (Advil seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu). Others are reporting a McDonald's Happy Meal can also help in some cases. If not, then further application of the original liquid, in similar quantities to the original dose, has been shown to do the trick.
Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period.
NOTE:
If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has mutated into Whine Flu. This is particularly common in men and can quickly spread to their partners where the symptoms are detected as a serious case of eye-rolling.
I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol.
I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc.
From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu.
This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not an isolated case.
Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed with Wine Flu. To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.
However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately rent a DVD and take some Advil (Advil seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu). Others are reporting a McDonald's Happy Meal can also help in some cases. If not, then further application of the original liquid, in similar quantities to the original dose, has been shown to do the trick.
Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period.
NOTE:
If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has mutated into Whine Flu. This is particularly common in men and can quickly spread to their partners where the symptoms are detected as a serious case of eye-rolling.
by yellowrose of Texas on 08 December 2009 - 02:12
Jesus knows you're here!
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard
'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
" JESUS"
by MaggieMae on 08 December 2009 - 02:12
hahahaha -- good one Y.R.
by MaggieMae on 08 December 2009 - 03:12
PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
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by yellowrose of Texas on 08 December 2009 - 03:12
This goes under the PiC above that Maggie Mae posted: lol The Best christmas Decoration Ever....
Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.
First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.
Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."
Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.
First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.
Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."
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