I'm Bored - Anyone got any funny stories to tell? - Page 2

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"


His buddy looks at him and says, Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and yell, "WHO'S HORNY??!!" and she acts like she's
sound asleep.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

"I JUST NEED A NAP"


An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is
and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?'

>>
>> One of the better inspirationals I've received this season.
>>
>> One snowy December, I was rushing around trying to get some last
>> minute Christmas shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking
>> very fondly of the Christmas season just then. It was dark, cold and
>> wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I
>> felt obligated to buy.
>>
>> I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I would probably need
>> later on, so muttering under my breath, I retraced my steps to the
>> mall entrance.
>>
>> As I was searching the wet pavement for the missing receipt, I heard
>> a quiet sobbing nearby. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed
>> boy, who I guessed was about 12 years old. He was short and thin, and
>> had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect
>> him from the cold winter night's chill.
>>
>> Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.
>>
>> Thinking that he had gotten separated from his parents an d was lost,
>> I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story he said that he
>> came from a large family of three brothers and four sisters. His
>> father had died when he was 9 years old. His mother was poorly
>> educated and worked
>> 2 full time jobs, from which she made very little to support the
>> family.
>>
>> Nevertheless, she had skimped and saved $200 to buy Christmas gifts
>> for her children. The young boy had been dropped off by his mother on
>> the way to her second job, given the money and told to buy presents
>> for the kids and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not
>> even entered the mall, however, when an older boy grabbed one of the
>> $100 bills and disappeared into the night.
>>
>> Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.
>> "I did." said the boy.
>> "And no one came to help you?" I wondered.
>> The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.
>> "How loud did you scream?" I inquired. The soft spoken boy looked up
>> and meekly whispered, "Help me!"
>>
>> I realized that absolutely no one could have heard this poor boy's
>> cry For help.
>>
>> So I grabbed the other $100 and ran to my car.

vomHunter -- you have some goooood ones !!!   LOL

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweec hu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

BEAR  ALERT

I like the picture of the Christmas lights!
They are so frustrating to put up.
After much agravation I finally got mine up today.

LOL!  Thanks for the laughs everyone!