THEY ARE AT IT AGAIN!

Simco shuddered the Fax she received had confirmed her worst fears. Now this WOULD upset the Major.

“The USV working arty and the German Sh pherd dig Council want ti hild a Siege”.

Dam! We must get that fax fixed, but spending money was a big no go area for the English Kennel Club since the subsidy had been stopped by the Government following that TV programme.

The Major had started to calm down since Stirling had implicated the GSD breed as the route of all evil and had embarked on his dastardly plan to discredit the breeders. Now this – “What’s a Siege anyway?”

She showed Kissova, who said she thought she knew, but better tell Reggie Stirling. Stirling studied the fax and read it and re-read it. Damed if he could make sense of it - A Siege?? He decided that rather than show any sign of weakness he pretended that he needed the loo and sought out Hardon. Hardon was the KC expert in the Working Dog Field. Hardon studied the creased piece of paper - “Aah yes! I have heard of this thing it’s German”. Awreet mate?

Reggie jumped at the mere word - German you say - I cannae make heid nor tail o’ the big man. Are ya nae gonna tell me then big fella?

“It’s your R’s you see” was the response from Hardon.

Reggie was taken aback - he had simply asked about this Siege, Hardon had said it was German and now old Hardon was going on about his Arse. Seemed a very strange thing to say.

“My arse ya say”?

“Aye your R’s”!

“What about my arse” said Reggie starting to get irritated.

“Now fettler” said Hardon, starting to detect Stirling’s mood swing.

“Well I cannae stand here all day discussing my arse”.

“Nay lad its missing” stated Hardon.

“Bloody missing ya bloody great big saft lummox, ya bloody blouse wearing poodle walker”. “Ma arse is there I can see it in the reflection of the bloody window” said Stirling now starting to twist and turn trying to glimpse his own behind.

Hardon, started to try to look as well every time Stirling moved. Hardon was right behind him, kind of shadow dancing each other.

Hardon didn’t have a clue why Stirling was doing this, but it only seemed fair to try to catch the wasp or brush off the fluff or simply do whatever it took to help this poor man out.

At this point Graham Graehame arrived. Today was lederhosen day and being fairly straight laced he felt very uncomfortable dressed as a 6 foot tall school boy from Bavaria, but this was all part of the KC induction plan so he had to put up with things. The thing that made him most timid was Dr Ruby Waxcoat, she was always making eyes at him, dropping things for him to pick up all the time and goosing him. It was terrifying with him being a simple sort from tractor country. He had no idea how to combat the advances of the large woman who claimed to be a doctor, but no one knew what she was a doctor of?

He joined in with the twisting and turning, some sight it was to see when the Major arrived. “What the hell is going on here”? Reggie stopped looking a bit flustered. Hardon stopped looking more on edge and Graham froze. The Major scared the life out of him. Er umm the Shepherd lot are holding us up in a Siege. Seems like it is some kind of response to our Agenda Sir”.

WHAT? Bloody siege? What the hell do they think they are doing? Siege? SIEGE? The Major looked like he may actually explode.

“Nay Lad, SIEGER” said Hardon. What, whats a Sieger”? shouted the Major. Stirling slowly saw the light - it wasn’t his arse, but the letter was a missing R off the end of the fax. Graham sneaked off whilst the mood relaxed a little. “Yep” said Hardon in victory it’s a Sieger.

Simco and Kissova arrived at that moment roused by the noise. “It’s a Sieger” said Hardon. They all looked at him, this expert in working dogs – expectant hanging on his every word waiting to know what a Sieger was? “Aah lad, well it, er, uhm, it’s a dog”.

This momentous news stunned the gathering. Jaws wide open, eyes wide and big. Stirling was the first to grasp the moment. “A dog ya say - I cannae see what a dog may have to do with us and the German lot”??

Hardon warmed to his theme being centre of attention “Aye lad” - they get these German dogs and they train them they do. Then when they have trained them they get men with whips to whip them and this makes the dogs angry and then they set the dogs on the men and the winner is the one that bites the men the first”. “Then they mate them they do and then the winner is called a Sieger because he has bitten first then mated them. Then this Sieger has to get his hips and elbows X-rayed to make sure they haven’t broke anything with all of the mating and biting and training. Then all this information is put on the Pedigree so that they can then get a chequebook to mate more times the next year. Then they put the Tattoo Number and DNA on the Pedigree as well.

Hardon finished - but the Major was aghast at the thought of angry dogs copulating with men. Then all this pedigree nonsense - filling in information like this would cause no end of problems and what about the cost. All these thoughts were swirling

around in his head. “Bloody Thatcher” – wouldn’t have put with this when he was Prime Minister, no he would of insulted the bastards, got the police out with batons and that would have put an end to it. “No Thatcher was bloody brilliant”. The Major stopped as Simco mumbled something about Thatcher being a woman, not a man. He was dumbfounded - the bloke with the glasses and grey hair always had his missus with him - she usually wore blue and had blond hair. THAT was Thatcher, not some woman.

Simco looked around for support. Kissova was the first to support her workmate, then Stirling, even Graham reappeared. The Major could not compute this rubbish. Who ever would put a bloody woman in No10. His world was shattered, it was to much to take in. Now the Germans want to let dogs mount men with whips. S tirling was the first to react - “Aye Sir I think it was the German Shepherd Breeders that elected a woman”. “Do you know that some of the breeders here and in Germany are women”? This news stopped the Major in his tracks. First they vote in a woman now they have women breeders then they write to HIS club saying they want to let wild dogs fornicate with men and then they get chequebooks. Plus all this additional work with pedigrees. When will it ever end thought the Major?

Dr Ruby arrived with a cigar in her mouth blowing heart shape smoke rings around Graham. I have a plan which may just work. Lets call their bluff - lets say yes to this Siege thing and we can call it an Unlicensed Event, Unrecognised by the Kennel Club not held under KC rules nor on KC land, but by gracious kind permission of the English Kennel Club, that way when the dogs start humping the men we can call it all off on the grounds of common decency.

“Yep that would work” - thought Stirling very nice.

Better ring Juanfran.
 

is there more Aileen.keep it coming Carole.

very good Aileen and the best of it is its most probably true
jim h

cant wait for part 3, lol

These articles were not written by me, but I was asked to circulate to all e-mail contacts and put on the Database by the Author - STEVE FORAN - I take no credit whatsoever for the brilliance of these Articles - the man is a genius.

How about a one-off TV PROGRAMME using the Cast of the Last of the Summer Wine (original actors & actresses) to play the parts - it would be hilarious.  They have all the characters just waiting to go - The Ex-Army Guy, Compo and the Wallace & Gromit Actor.

Anyone out there who wants to make a money-spinner for the TRUE GERMANIC GSD and support the GSD Fraternity in UK and willing to give it a go - then let Mr. Foran know - he should be writing scripts for Television.

I think it would be a BEST SELLER.

Thanks for making us all laugh and lightening things up a bit for us all.


Aileen